Trip to Possum Trot

By

Cree Vicar Dave  - SASS Life #49907 

Wanted ta go ta Possum Trot, Tennessee ta shoot at the Kentucky/Tennessee Black Powder Cowboy Action Shoot ever since I heard about it from Hezekiah Hawke.  So I sent in my shooter application and waited with expectation for the big trip.

‘Bout a week before we were to leave the car broke down.  That makes the 4th vehicle sitten up on cement blocks in our front yard now.  Some people think it looks like junk but it’s really “Yard Art”.  Iff'en it weren’t for our goats eaten the weeds ya wouldn’t see them anyway.

So off I went ta the auto showroom to have a look see.  Five salesmen were a sitten with feet up on their desk drinkin coffee and eatin donuts.  Must have been their break time.

Well I looked around a spell then walked over ta one of the auto sales persons who was just finishen up his donut and said, “I’d like ta buy that car right thar.”  He looked and said, “Which one?”  I said, “That lavender one.”  He said “That’s a green car ya know” I said, “That car ain’t green, it’s lavender.  What’s ya think, I’m color blind?”  Come ta find out the car was one of those new cross-breeds.  You know the ones that ya plug in ta yar house outlet for 30 minutes and it goes 200 miles on 25 cents of electricity.  Then a little generator in the trunk kicks in ta keep ya goin.  I don’t rightly know why they call it a green car except maybe because it costs so much.

By the time I made the down payment, got the plates and paid all the taxes I was plumb broke.  I was tellin the treasurer at the Church about my financial distress in not being able to make the trip ta Possum Trot --  Well wouldn’t cha know it, he went and gave me one of those brand new $15 dollar bills.  He said the government had just come out with this new bill and that Michigan was the first state ta try this new currency.  He said I might not want to spend it till I get south of Ohio causen they were a little jealous that Michigan got them first.  Our treasurer is such a great guy and real good with money too.  He used to be a juggler with a traveling circus.  He took to being a treasurer right off, like fleas on a dog, when we hired him.  He’s taken good care of the Church too.  He put all our money into an off-shore land deal in Florida.  He said for us not to be concerned none cause the money is earning 200% interest, a month.  And besides all that the money was insured by Fannie May and Freddie Mac.  When I left he said his momma, who lives in Alaska, was ill so he might have ta go visit her.  But not ta worry none cause he’ll be back by the time the Church auditor comes by.

Well now I had the money ta get down ta Possum Trot but I still needed ta get back home.  As I was ponderin all this the phone starts ta ringen.  It was Larry from Winfield, TN, a suburb of Possum Trot.  He had heard I was a comin down ta shoot and he was a wondering if I could marry him and his bride to be after the main match on Saturday.  Seems he met the girl of his dreams named Lucinda at the laundry-mat just the other day and it was love at first sight.  He’d heard me preach at Cowboy Church a couple times and wanted me ta conduct the ceremony between him and Lucinda.  Well this was great news.  With the money from the wedding we’d have enough ta get back home.

So the Vicar’s Wife and I set out early the next morning.  The car batteries went dead in southern Ohio and we limped across the border on the little generator in the trunk. We stopped off I-75 at the first fillin station exit in Kentucky where I topped off the tank.  It only took one dollar.  I went inside ta pay and the gal at the counter said, “Welcome ta Gas Um Up Quick,” and she smiled.  She had the most beautiful tooth I had ever saw.  I looked in my wallet and all I had left was that $15 dollar bill the Church treasurer gave me.  I handed it over ta her and said, “I put a dollar’s worth of gas in my green car out thar.”  She said, “That car ain’t green, it’s lavender.  What’s ya think I’m color blind?”  I had ta explain ta her it was one of those new cross-breed cars and she seemed to understand.  She took the money and said, “I ain’t never saw no $15 dollar bill before.”  I told her it was one of those new ones just put out by the government, sent special ta Michigan first.  She said, “It don’t look too real.”  I said, “Ya it’s real alright.  See here on the front is a picture of a president.  It says right thar, ‘William Jefferson Blys Clinton’.  She said, “That’s right.”  I said, “And over here on the back, ya know how on the one dollar bill there’s that pyramid with that seeing eye on the top?  Well lookit here’s a seeing eye dog lookin at a pyramid.”  She said, “Sure enough, that’ll be a dollar for the gas.”  Then she put that $15 dollar bill in a cigar box on the counter and gave me two $7 dollar bills in change.  I didn’t look ta see what president was on them.  I just put em in my pocket and headed for the car.

We got off that super highway at exit 11 in Kentucky and headed West on Route #92.  I don’t rightly know who’s in charge of their road commission but if it was up ta me I’d fire him and put in a Yankee.  Ya see up here in Michigan all the roads run straight East/West and North/South.  But these roads zigzag back and forth.  Don’t make no sense ta me at all.  Ya go 30 miles ta get 5 miles.  Must be a conspiracy with “Big Oil”.

Well we went down the road just before East Pine Knot; ya know the spot where they blowed up half a mountain a hundred feet straight up and ya have ta scratch the right side of your car ta keep all four tires on the road?  -- Well I heard this awful screamin sound.  I looked up and down came a mule landin on one side of the road and a man on the other.  I stopped the car right there to investigate.  The mule wasn’t fairen too well.  He had two broken legs and I could see by a looken at em that he had internal injuries.  And besides all that, his neck was out of joint.  Sooo I did the only thing I could do.  I pulled out my six shooter and shot him right between the eyes, killed em dead I did. Then I walked over ta the man layin there.  I said, “The mule wasn’t doin very well, how you all doin?”  He said, “Great!!  I’m doin right fine thank you!!”  Well I could see that he wasn’t doen all that good.  So I holstered my gun and knelt down holdin his head in my arms.  Come to find out it was Larry from Winfield.  I said, “What happened here?  I heard all the commotion and stopped my “green car” ta help.”  He said, “That car ain’t green, it’s lavender.  What’s ya thinkin, I’m color blind?”  So I explained to him about my cross-breed car.

Then Larry told me he’d worked hard and saved up $200 dollars ta buy a new suit and one of those Tennessee walkin horses for his wedding day.  A hundred for the suit and a hundred for the horse.  So he set out for Corbin cause those walken horses are a little cheaper in Kentucky.

When he left the dry goods store he’d spent a little too much on extras so he only had $50 dollars left.  At the livery he told the proprietor what he wanted ta buy.  The attendant led a fine looking specimen out of the corral.  When Larry asked how much it cost the man said that this one was $110 bucks but there was a sale on today for $100.  Well when Larry said he only had $50 bucks the man said, “You can’t buy no Tennessee Walken horse for no $50 bucks.”  But he did have a horse around back he’d let go for that price, but it didn’t look too good.  Larry went round back for a look-see.  Turned out the horse looked OK ta him so he paid the man, got on the horse and started out.  Well that ole horse reared back, took off and ran smack dab into the side of the barn, tossen him ta the ground.  Larry got up, brushed off his new suit and checked out the horse.  He found out the horse was blind.  So Larry said, “This horse is blind, you sold me a blind horse.”  To which the attendant said, “I done told you the horse didn’t look too good.”

Well Larry told the man that he was bout to be wed to Lucinda and didn’t he have another horse ta sell.  He didn’t, but he did have a mule he could let go for the same price.  Seems a preacher  had just traded it in the day before.  The only thing was that ta get it ta go you had ta say, “Praise the Lord” and to stop ya say, “Amen.”  So Larry took the mule and started home.

Seems Larry had dozed off a mite on the way and when he awoke the mule was a headen for that drop-off.  Well he yelled out, “Whoa, stop, halt,” but the mule kept going.  Then he remembered it was the preacher’s mule.  So he yelled, “Church, hymnal, pew,” but nothin seemed ta work.  So he looked down, said a quick prayer and closed with an “Amen.”  Well the mule stopped just short of a goin over the edge.  He was so happy, he looked up, raised his hands and said, “Praise the Lord.”

As Larry laid there in my arms he looked me straight in the eye and said, “Tell Lucinda I love her, “ and he passed on.  I felt so bad.  I was a countin on that money from doin the wedding for gas money ta get home.

When I got ta Possum Trot I looked up Lucinda and told her the bad news.  I shot the match with sadness of heart not knowin how we’d be a getten back home.  I ended up takin all top prizes because I signed up for every shootin category.  But I had a slight advantage.  Ya see they all were using those Kentucky Mountain Muzzle loading rifles made by Ernie.  (Ole Ernie makes some right Smart rifles if you’re in the market for a smoke pole.)  I was a usin my new ‘73’ Winchester rifle and beaten the best of em by a good two to three seconds a stage.  They even gave me the Kentucky Over All Award because they said that since I came across on highway #92 I’d spent enough time in Kentucky to be an official resident.  I ended up taken all the top prizes except for the long range big bore rifle.  I hit all the targets with my ‘73’ but they said my rifle barrel was too short to qualify.  So they gave that award to some Tall Drink A Water dude.  He was one of the shooters who came close ta beaten me in the main match.  That’s because he went and cut a foot off one of his Kentucky MT rifles, that helped him ta ram the ball down faster.  He called it some kind of a “short stoke kit.”  But I bested him by a good 5 seconds over all with my leever rifle.

After the award ceremony they were all smiling and wishing me well on my trip home when I told them I’d be stayin on because the wedding deal fell through and I didn’t have the money to get home.  They all looked sad for a spell, then huddled up and came over ta give me money from a collection they had taken.  I never seen so many $7 dollar bills in all my life.  So I charged up the ole “green car” and headed home.

If you’re trying to make sense of this article don’t bother.  You see at Possum Trot they have a category called “Best Liar”.  It says in Proverbs 12:19 “Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment.”  I prefer to call it “Embellishing the truth”.  I thought I’d practice a little by writing this article before my next trip to the KY & TN State Black Powder Shoot.  Maybe I can win that award also.

If you’re looking for a good down home shoot that offers a great time, this is the place.  Whether you shoot black powder or smokeless they make you feel at home.  They have some cabins to rent, RV parking or you can make other arrangements.

My thanks to “Just Little Joe”, Tonya, Ringer, Fish Creek Charlie, Preacher B Quick, Rev. Rest In Peace, Tall Drink A Water, Triple B, Iron Maiden, Whiskey Creek Johnson and all the others who made us all feel right at home, too many to list.  Special thanks to Ernie Smart, who really does make high quality muzzle loaders to order, for making our stay enjoyable.  If you are in the market for a muzzle loader, Ernie can fix you up.

You don’t have to shoot Black Powder at the KY & TN State BP Shoot, but if you show up smokeless, be forewarned, you may get bit by the “Black Powder Bug.”

Hope ta see ya on the trail

God Bless,

Cree Vicar Dave

To find out more about Possum Trot, their monthly shoots, Black Powder State Shoot, accommodations etc. go to:

www.possumtrot.org