Barber Shop Blues


Cree Vicar Dave ~ SASS Life Regulator #49907

When I was just a little shaver my mom used ta cut my hair.  She did an OK job but I wanted ta go to a real barber where the big boys got their hair cut.  My first trip to the barber shop had me a thinken that I was on my way ta being a man.  There seems to be an allure about a barber shop.  There’s the BARBER POLE, the BARBER CHAIR, the BARBER SHOP TALK and all the neat smells that are unique to a BARBER SHOP. 

In the old days a barber had to be very dexterous to stay in business.  Not only did he have to be ready to give a good haircut but he also had to be able to perform other jobs like shampoos, shaves and an occasional surgical procedure. 

When I became a teenager my hair had to be cut just the right way, kind of like the Elvis style.  Then a layer of “Butch Wax” was applied around a quarter inch thick.  The hair was then combed back on each side to form a DA in the back.  It took a good 20 to 30 minutes in front of a mirror every morning ta get each individual hair in the correct place on my head.  Because it was, as they would say back then, “Real cool looking”.  I would have enough grease on my head that I could stand out in the freezing cold of a Michigan Winter morning for a half hour waiting for the school bus with no hat on and not get chilled.  It says in Philippians 2:3, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.”  It’s hard to believe what people will do for vain glory.  Hair today, gone tomorrow. 

Well today things have changed.  I now wear my hair much shorter and cover it up with a cowboy hat most of the time.  The allure of the barber shop has waned quite a bit.  Now I look at going to get a haircut as a chore, not wanting to waste the time that I could be loading shells sitting in a barber shop waiting my turn to get clipped.  Also there’s the endless process of getting up to speed on the latest MASCULINE BOVINE FECAL MATERIAL or to put it bluntly MALE HOLSTEIN SOLID WASTE.  Being born on a dairy farm I already know what it looks like, what it smells like and what it feels like when it squishes up between the toes.  So I don’t need a rehash on a monthly basis. 

While pondering all of this in my fertile mind I overheard someone say that many college students today cut their own hair to save money.  Soooo  I became the proud owner of a electric/battery hair clipper set.  If I’m going ta get clipped I might as well clip myself and save money.  There are differing plastic attachments that clip on to the hair clipper to adjust for the desired hair length on different parts of the head.  These number from 1 thru 8 and there is even tapered ones to go around the right & left ears. 

I looked it all over and wondered iffin I could do it.  Then I thought, “I’m not as vain as I was when I sported a DA”.  So I started getten ready ta cut hair in the kitchen until I heard a shrill sound in my ears coming from the direction of The Vicar’s Wife, “You’re not making a mess in my house”.  So I hung a mirror outside on the storm door.  At least this way I can enjoy the beauty of the great outdoors while cutting my hair.  I set up a TV tray ta put things on, got the clipper set and started mowin off my graying hair.  I was amazed at how easy the process went.  The whole project was finished in just a few minutes and I saved the time, money and the miles on the car it used to take.  I came in as proud as I could be ta show off to the misses my new found talent.  I asked her how it looked in the back.  She said OK without even looking up from the afghan that she was crocheting.  Then I thought, “What does it matter what it looks like in the back, I can’t see the back of my head anyway”.  

Getting clipped
How does it look in the back Megan?

Well I’ve been a cutten my own hair for going on 6 months now.  The clippers were paid for after the second cutting.  People ask me all the time, “Who cuts your hair???”.  Probably because they think it’s very nice looking.  I just expand my chest and humbly say, “I cut my own hair”.  But then that may be a little vain as well.  The other day I had an old timer ask me if I would consider cutting his hair.  But I don’t remember that he was wearing his glasses at the time.  But one thing is for sure, I now have a lot more time and money ta do some serious loading for Cowboy Action Shooting™.  If ya see me at a shoot don’t ask me ta cut your hair cuz I found out it’s against the law ta be a barber iffen ya don’t have no license. 

Hope ta see ya on the trail. 

God bless,